Monday, August 2, 2010

Wrapped In Energy

(I wrote this a couple of weeks ago but never posted it. A lot has changed since I wrote this, but only for the better...)

I've been spending a lot of time lately with someone who is incredibly deep and spiritual. I'm amazed by his energy, his outlook on life, his theories about what we're all doing here and what we're supposed to be learning from one another. We talk for hours and I'm never bored. He challenges me in the best way possible to really think about the meaningful things in life. When he talks about what he's passionate about, his energy is tangible -- almost supernatural.

Something we've been talking about a lot lately is how most of the pain in the world comes from rebelling against the things we know have to happen. If we would allow ourselves to let things happen the way we know they are supposed to happen, so much pain and suffering could be avoided or reversed. Why is it that this is so easy to comprehend, but so difficult to do? Why do we rail so vehemently against a fate that we know is coming no matter how hard we resist it?

As I get older, I'm doing this less and less, but I can vividly remember internalizing problems and letting them tear me apart from the inside. I stayed at jobs and I remained in relationships that were bad for me (and I knew it) for a long time and I have no idea why I did it. I have learned to recognize red flags and warning signs now and have forced myself to listen to the signs when they're presented to me. This is only something you can learn from experience. It has to happen to you before you can begin to understand. You have to make mistakes before you can learn to make things right. You have to be in some bad relationships before you can appreciate a wonderful person... someone who truly has your best interests at heart.

I always say I've been through the wringer when it comes to relationships. This is not an exaggeration. I have battle scars. For those of you who know my track record with all things love, you know how significant it is for me to trust someone again. I trust him. Those three words are powerful. I love a lot of people... but I trust very few. I trust him and he makes me happy. There are no games, no agendas, no motives. There's just love. And serendipity. I've seen serendipity defined as "a happy accident." I am happy. There's a comfort level between us that we didn't have to manufacture or attempt to create. I feel protected and safe. I'm home whenever I'm with him. I really can't ask for more because there isn't more... that's everything.

It's a strange dichotomy because I'm at a point in my life where I have so little, yet I have so much. My parents always taught my sister and I that you can have all the "stuff" in the world, but without love, you have nothing but emptiness. They showed us that with love, you can be down to your last box of macaroni and cheese with a paycheck nowhere in sight... and still have everything you need. They were right. They always have been.

Happiness will never come from stuff. It comes from the people we choose to share our crazy little worlds with.

Here's to opening up my crazy little world to someone who was brave enough to step inside without a torch, a flashlight or a road map and still know the way well enough to teach me things I never knew about myself, about relationships... about love.

I love you.


jake said...

This is ridiculously sweet. He sounds like a winner. Double thumbs up from this guy. =)

Jennifer said...

Thanks, Jake! I feel very lucky :)

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