Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Bizarro Resume

I originally posted this a long time ago. Recent events make me think that it's time for it again...

If I could write a resume any way that I wanted to, this is what it would look like...

Bizarro Jen

Most resumes are a waste of everyone’s time. There is absolutely nothing on my resume that reflects the person I really am.

My passions are writing and humor.
My “real resume” can’t tell you that.
But this one can.

My professional background is in Human Resources, Technology, Public Relations and Government Relations. I’ve worked at a number of impressive financial firms. I started my career working for a Senator.

I’ve done a lot of things. I’ve been to a lot of places. I’ve spent most of my career working in Corporate America, which means I’ve spent most of my career suppressing the very things that people actually like about me.

Doesn’t seem fair to anybody.

Nothing means more to me than making people laugh. I am irreverent. My twitter page is inappropriate. I will throw grammar rules out the window if I think my way looks better. I have opinions. Sometimes I swear.

We’re all adults, and yet when I’m interviewing I always feel like I just got out of college and I’m supposed to pretend I’m perfect.

I’m not perfect.

I’m waiting for the day when honesty really is the best policy; because that’s the day I win at life.


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