Wednesday, July 30, 2008

I hate match.com

but this is my profile on that stupid site and I like it, so read it.
There's more to it, but I'm too lazy to copy and paste the sections. Deal with it.
If you don't like it, I don't care.

* My name is Jennifer.
* I'm always looking for excuses to take the train into the city.
* No one cares that you like long walks on the beach. Everyone likes long walks on the beach.
* I'd rather know what you're thinking when you take those walks. Or if you see an owl.
* Being fake exhausts me. I'm real to a fault. The worst boss I've ever had told me that I need to work on my poker face. No thanks. Life is too short for a poker face. I'm happy wearing my face.
* My roommate told me yesterday that I have a "storyteller voice." A lot of my stories sound outlandish but are actually true. Ever hear the expression "That could only happen to you?" That's me.

* I grew up in a silly, zany, crazy family and am richly blessed with the best fan club on earth. We're not perfect, we don't try to be, and we celebrate our uniqueness.
* I'm fiercely loyal to people. My parents have been together for over 35 years. It's hard to ignore that kind of example.
* I've lived in Greenwich long enough to know that anyone can make money... not everyone can make a life. Money makes things comfortable, no doubt. But I've learned firsthand that it doesn't buy happiness (or class.)
* I watched "The Philadelphia Story" last night - 1940's movie with Katharine Hepburn, Cary Grant and Jimmy Stewart. Best line? Katharine Hepburn (as Tracy Lord) - "The right time to make up your mind about people... is never." Inspiration is everywhere - even in old black and white films :) I love finding things like that. You never know when you're going to need a line like that. I collect them like stamps.
* A sense of humor is a must. If you're not funny, I can't be seen in public with you.

I like this summary of me. I get very depressed when I see the other profiles. I saw one guy's profile yesterday that said, "I enjoy dancing and smiling." Really? That's really amazing, because I didn't think anyone enjoyed smiling. I can't believe how revealing that is. I feel like he might be my soulmate. I really enjoy smiling too, and I never thought I'd find someone who shared that interest. Maybe dating really isn't so hard after all.

I also love the profiles where the guys say, "I'm really funny, have a great sense of humor, make all my friends laugh, am the life of the party, etc.." Um... no. You're not funny. If you're funny, you don't have to say it. I want to write back to these guys and tell them just how un-funny they are. Maybe that's what I'll do tonight.

Or maybe I'll just dance and smile. I'm not sure if I ever mentioned it, but I really enjoy those two things.

17 comments:

teeny said...

Enjoyed this one immensely. Just wanted to add you have a storyteller face.

Whitey's Mom said...

When you are famous-famous, can I be your assistant? Thanks

Jennifer said...

I was sort of hoping to hire Whitey directly... and cut out the middle man! I heart you.

jake said...

I've always found it impossible to fill out information on sites like that. In an attempt to be clever I usually end up with writer's block or a profile that reads like a high school english paper, where the kid uses big words and _tries_ to sound cool.

I have found a couple things though... a) Creepy, middle-aged women adore me. b) There are so many fake and untruthful profiles that it's almost impossible to meet someone worthwhile.

One time I did meet a girl who later introduced me to her boyfriend and I joined his band. That wasn't so bad. haha

FuzzyOctopus said...

Match.com provided me with HOURS of entertainment in the form of reading guys' profiles. WTF are most of them thinking when they write their profiles. One guy actually listed his interests as "hanging with friends and stuff." Seriously. And then there's the profile pictures ... who told any of them that posing shirtless is a failsafe way to get chicks? And then the emails you get from hopeful courters! I had a man 30 years my senior actually propose to me in his first email.

I don't mean to discourage you with this ... I actually ended up meeting my husband on Match (and only 8 days after putting up my profile). Anyhoo ... good luck!

Jennifer said...

It's okay. I'm somewhat of a pro and now I just think it's funny to make fun of everyone :) Thanks for the comment!

PS - I often say that I joined match.com so I could write about myself. I guess I should have just started a blog earlier!

Anonymous said...

I think I'm in love with you...please note: I said "think" I'm not ready to commit yet...wait, this relationship is smothering me, I need some space. It's not you it's me. Let's stay friends........oh, alright, I miss us too.
-RT

Jennifer said...

Haha! Hilarious!! :)

dadshouse said...

match.com sucks!!!!!

sorry, I simply had to get that out of my system.

skinnysucks said...

the advert alone makes me swell with strong feelings of nausea and hatred, ive tried sites like that and they are filled with characterless morons, like some kind of perverse casting session for Thunderbirds; filled with gormlessly bobbing puppets whos lives are based on nothing more substantial than a piece of 2nd hand fishing line and saying what other people want to hear.

Anonymous said...

Yeah ... and stuff.

Anonymous said...

That was awesome. You're amazing - if I wasn't gay I'd totally date you.

Jennifer said...

<3

Anonymous said...

Don't forget, "I like to work hard and play harder." Every guy on there has to include, " I like a woman who is comfortable in her own skin and takes care of herself." This means you are skinny and "unihibited." Worse are the 40+ men who are still not sure about having kids. Make a choice grandpa.

Anonymous said...

jen, did ever meet a decent single guy on Match or any other site? Seems like most go on just to chat and look at women's pics.. :/

Jennifer said...

I have. I think I met one. I went on one date with him :) Haha. There are still decent people out there. I think that people are just confused about what they're looking for. Social media has ruined everything. No one is actually social anymore!

Jeannette Moore said...

They were so snobby and could never answer my questions! They had fake names, fake profiles, and would not disable my account. They were sooo expensive and this Doctor Clown guy is not even a real doctor!!He's a loser! I was told by them that that it was also made for sober dating people WRONG!! So screw them, -GUESS WHAT? I made my own site! it is www.SexySoberSingles.com A dating site for sober people, dating in general, and the best sexiest articles and advice! SCREW YOU MATCH.COM!
THANK YOU FOR YOUR BLOG!!

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